Dear You-Know-Who-You-Are,
There is this absolute moment in a person’s life where they become deeply aware of the fact that they found their rock even when they had no ground to stand on. I’m talking about finding YOU, who supported me through the worst days of my life and who were with me even when I didn’t want to be with myself.
Things have been tough lately and I’ve been in the midst of a disturbing time. My heart and head are everywhere right now, making life even more baffling and chaotic. My problems and issues are real and petrifying and all that I am really doing is trying to figure things out for myself and for navigating a whole new world.
In such times, I’ve been blessed to have some people around me who have suffered with me in my pain but also been strong enough to help me learn to walk with it. Am still learning and I know there is a long way to go, but I want you to know I wouldn’t have been able to walk even these two months without you.
There is nothing I can do to make you feel my gratitude and nothing would ever feel enough. This letter is for all you people who shared my 1 AM tears and all those who were with me at those instances which made me wonder how on earth I’d pull through. It’s been a few days since I’ve been planning to write this one, so here it finally is.
Thank you for dealing not only with me as a person (which I’ll admit can be difficult), but also with my negativity.
Thank you for believing in me when I had nothing to believe in and for loving me when I couldn’t love myself.
Thank you, for the instants you made me forget for a while, and for the nights you pulled me through. For teaching me how to laugh again. For proving it's safe to cry. And while you couldn't take away my pain or take my steps for me, my misery has been a little less with you by my side.
Thank you for being there to drag me out of bed when I was having a bad day.
Thank you for understanding that sometimes I sense that all hope is lost in the world and I merely cannot make it through that day even though at the time I may not seem thankful and grateful, but just know that I am.
Thank you for the "just checking" in phone calls or the simple “good morning” text messages, just to get me to smile or simply make my day.
Thank you for pushing me to do things that I did not want to do (including waking up at 7 AM).
When I reached a new low, you grabbed my hand. You touched into my soul and put some peace there. You held on and you haven't let go. Even though most times, I have nothing to give.
Thank you for being there for me and being so supportive and being that shoulder to lean on and cry on when things got rough and the world felt like it was crashing down in flames everywhere around me.
In addition to the thank you’s I also have a few things for which I got to say sorry.
I am sorry that I can be moody and overall rigid to deal with sometimes.
I am sorry that even though I tell you I want to make plans and then unexpectedly I change my mind and I want to do none of those things and cancel on you at the last minute.
I am sorry I am not the same person when we first became friends.
I am sorry that I test your endurance and patience on a daily basis and am sure you probably feel like you don’t know what to expect from me anymore.
Despite all those things I have to be sorry for, you stick by me. You continue to show love and patience and continue to support. When I had no stars left to wish upon and nothing to hold on to, you held out that ray of light to me.
Thank you for helping me see past the pain I thought would blind me. Thank you for telling me that things will eventually transform and that hopefully I will get better. And even if it doesn’t, you will still be there for me at the end of the day. You also show me that the real me is still there and that I am just going through a phase and with time as all things do, it will pass and I will return. Thank you for making me realise what a real friend is.
Words cannot express how blessed I am to have you in my life. Just being in your existence means the world to me. I hope our bond continues to grow stronger as time goes on and I am thrilled to see where the future will take us. I can’t thank you enough for all of the memories we’ve shared and how many more there are still to come.
Take these words, not as payment for a debt owed because you have given me a priceless gift I could never repay. You gave me love and hope and something to hold on to. And with all of this, someday, I hope to return some part of the strength I borrowed from you. Until then, thank you.
Thank you for being who you've been to me. Thank you, for you.