I don’t know how to fix this myself.
You need to be strong for your kids, they said.
You have to let go so that his afterlife is smooth, they said.
You have to quickly get back to work, they said.
I can’t even breathe right, how am I supposed to think right and do all that?
For me, the realisation was the hardest pill to swallow. There is no completing. No expiry and no days off.
Although there is no denying grief is now a life long friend here to stay and flows through my day to day. It shows up differently each of the 24 hour.
Yes sometimes it’s the heavy, heavy stuff.
Sometimes it’s just a dull ache.
Sometimes it’s the joy in the mundane.
But it’s always there... and I don’t hate that
Because it lets me know that somewhere deep down I can still feel feelings.